ANFSIR
by Erisu Chan
Summary: And Now For Something Incredibly Ridiculous!
1. Default Chapter

E_Chan: the humorness and insanity has returned once again to Fanfiction.net - muwahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Gem-of-lost-souls: lemme explain. Since we both live in the same region (city more like it) we have decided to create a humor fic together just for kingdom hearts!  
  
E_Chan: but it's gonna be on my username! *is hit over the head with a lollypop*  
  
Gem-of-lost-souls: but this also means it might take me a bit longer to update Illumination. I'm not gonna stop it completely, the new chapters just might not come up as quickly.....  
  
Hiei and Fishing Moogle: get on with it already!  
  
Gem-of-lost-souls: *hugs hiei* our muses! ^^  
  
E_Chan: here we go!  
  
Disclaimer: we do not own anything! (except for the extremely random plot and other random junky junk!)  
  
^^--------------- ^^  
  
ANFSIR: 1st screen: How to make a Ridiculously Random Humor Fanfic (aka: HTMARRF)  
  
-A hooded figure with feiry hair stands alone in a barren wasteland. Plotholes cover the vast expanse, sending ominous vibes into the air. Off in the distance, a loud boom is heard and a burnt hamster falls at the stranger's feet.-  
  
E_Chan: s0 this is wh4t 0ur n3w st0ry will b3gin with. (see bottom of page for instructions on reading l33t)  
  
-Another hooded figure with silver hair comes up behind E_Chan-  
  
Gem: wh4t sh0uld w3 d0 with it? D0 y0u h4v3 th3 instructi0ns?  
  
E_Chan: *pulls out a looooong scroll of instructions on "how to make a successful humor fic* w3ll, first it s4ys w3 n33d s0m3 r4nd0m ch4r4ct3rs. *snaps her fingers and Sora and Riku appear out of the sky and fall to the ground*  
  
Riku: ow! That hurt!  
  
Sora: *is sitting at a virtual window mooing at virtual passerby* mooo! (E_notes: how can there be a virtual window? Because there's plotholes everywhere!)  
  
Gem: *looks at both characters* Tw0 r4nd0m ch4r4ct3rs.....ch3ck.  
  
Sora: *continues mooing*  
  
Riku: you're stupid. *shoves Sora into a plothole and Sora is turned into a cow* oops. O.o;;  
  
Sora: moo?  
  
-suddenly a little squirrel appears out of nowhere-  
  
Squirrel: chugah? Chichibageh!  
  
Sora: moo!? Riku: *pushes SoratheCow over onto the squirrel*  
  
Squirrel: *squish*  
  
Sora: moo!  
  
E_Chan: th4t'll b3 3n0ugh 0f th4t *turns Sora back into a human*  
  
Sora: moo!  
  
Riku: o.O;; you're not a cow anymore.  
  
-another boom is heard in the distance and more burnt hamsters shower down onto the group of four-  
  
Gem: I kn0w just wh4t w3 n33d! *reaches into her magic hat and pulls out a giant feathered umbrella* S0 wh4t n3xt?  
  
E_Chan: *looks at scroll* W3ll, n0w w3 n33d 4 r4nd0m t4sk th3y n33d t0 d0............  
  
-sound of wind and crickets-  
  
E_Chan: *gets out machine gun and shoots the crickets*  
  
Sora: Stop that! You're mean!  
  
E_Chan: I kn0w I 4m *evil grin*  
  
Sora and Riku: eep! O.O;;  
  
Gem: I kn0w! h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3! *gets strange stares from everyone* Th3y must find th3 3vil s0rc3r3ss Jilj3 4nd st0p h3r fr0m d01ng r4nd0m 3vil stuff!  
  
All: like what?  
  
Jilje: like hijacking a random Kindergarten Bus! -a nearby kindergarten bus explodes into flames-  
  
Sora: that was stupid.  
  
Gem: Y0u'd think sh3'd w4it until s0m3b0dy 4ctu4lly g0t 0N th3 bus.  
  
Riku: Are we gonna have to pay for that?  
  
Jilje: you'll never catch me and my army of squirrels who plan to take over Canada! Mu-wahahhahahahahaha! insert random evil music here *jilje disappears in a pink cloud of smoke*  
  
E_Chan: th3r3! Y0u h4v3 4 r4nd0m missi0n n0w g0!  
  
Riku: um...right! Since I am older, better looking, smarter, and the romantic lead, I will be the leader of our group!  
  
Sora: What's Canada?  
  
Gem: it's 4 pl4c3.  
  
Sora: And why is he the romantic lead?  
  
Gem and E_Chan: B3c4us3 w3 s4id s0! N0w l34v3! *kicks both Sora and Riku into the distance*  
  
-E_Chan looks at the scroll again and realizes a couple of mistakes-  
  
E_Chan: umm....w3 f0rg0t t0 giv3 th3m r4nd0m w34p0ns. 4nd w3 f0rg0t t0 t3ll th3m wh3r3 th3y c0uld find m0r3 p30pl3 f0r th3ir gr0up.  
  
Gem: W3'll just giv3 '3m 4 cl34n lift. 4nd 0n3 m0r3 thing. *takes black strip out of mouth and proceeds to talk normally* let's eighty-six these okay? And why do we have to wear these stupid cloaks?  
  
E_Chan: *takes strip out of mouth as well* because they give us an ominous and commanding air. But you're right, the l33t strips were a little too much.  
  
----Mean while----  
  
Sora: HELP MEEEEEE! *runs around being chased by a living G.I. Joe that had jumped out of one of the plotholes*  
  
Riku: *standing nearby but doing nothing* shouldn't have those two weirdos given us some weapons or something? And where's the rest of our people?! How am I supposed to lead if there's nobody to lead?!  
  
Sora: *has somehow manage to light the G.I. Joe on fire and tosses it back into the plothole* I dunno  
  
Riku: You don't know anything!  
  
Sora: o.O;; you're mean! *bursts into tears*  
  
Riku: *pats sora on the back* oh I didn't really mean it.......hey look over there it's a random town! I'll go buy you an icecream or something.  
  
Sora: yay! *runs into random town, is run over by several flocks of rubber duckies and finally makes it to the Walmart*  
  
Riku: *walks over shaking his head* why me?! This is like having a puppy. *growls angerly*  
  
-Sora is now standing in front of the mechanical doors making them open and close (G_notes: I love doing that to annoy people!)-  
  
Sora: look Riku! MAGIC! *forgets to move and gets squished by the doors* ouchie!  
  
Riku: like I said, a puppy! *is almost run over by a herd of more rubber duckies but is finally able to pry Sora out from in between the doors*  
  
Yuffie: *comes bouncing in on a stick horsey* Heya!  
  
Sora: AH! Ugly lady!  
  
Riku: *shields his eyes from the ugliness*  
  
Yuffie: What wrong with you guys?!  
  
Riku: Can't.......stand......ugliness......  
  
Yuffie: you guys are mean! *hits them with flaming marshmallows from her flaming marshmallow thrower*  
  
Sora: HEY! Why don't we have weapons?!  
  
Riku: We DO have weapons. -Both look at the weapons in their hands. Each boy is carrying a giant spork about four feet long. Sora's is silver and Riku's is black.-  
  
Sora: When did we get these?  
  
Riku: *looks at script* must have been a clean lift or something.  
  
Sora: Hey, why don't I have a script?!  
  
Riku: Because I am the romantic lead okay?!  
  
Yuffie: oooh! You're the romantic lead?! I'm joining your group!  
  
Sora and Riku: O.O;;  
  
Riku: Well.....uh let's just go into the store now okay?  
  
^^-----------------^^  
  
E_Chan: What horrors await Riku, Sora, and Yuffie inside Walmart? What do all the plot holes lead to? Who is this mysterious Jilje villan? Why were me and Gem in the story?! Find out next time!  
  
Gem: Here's the l33t key for those of you who need it: For l33t, all you do is simply replace A with 4, E with 3, and O with 0.  
  
Fishing Moogle: Thanks for reading the chapter!  
  
Hiei: *snore*  
  
Fishing Moogle: *hits hiei*  
  
Hiei: wha-? Oh yeah, read and review. *falls back asleep*  
  
All. O.o;;  
  
READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Fun Times at Walmart

E_Chan: squeeeeeeeeee! I'm soo excited! *does happi dance*  
  
Gem: *throws around confetti* second chapter! W00t!w00t!  
  
E_Chan: We'd like to thank Kittyvictoria for reviewing and Hiei and Fishing Moogle for being our Muses!  
  
Hiei: I resent being called a muse.  
  
Fishing Moogle: welcome to the club, kupo.  
  
Gem: here we go! Caution: Major Kairi bashing in this chappie!  
  
Disclaimer: First chappie.  
  
^^--------------------^^  
  
Recap: Yuffie has now joined Sora and Riku in some unknown quest against Jilje. Yuffie has a flaming marshmallow thrower and Sora and Riku each have giant sporkblades. They are now entering the premesis of Walmart. But what random evil awaits them there?  
  
-Riku, Sora, and Yuffie have entered Walmart. Soft, elevator-type music is playing in the backround and all the staff have on big fake smiles.-  
  
Sora: *sees video game section* ooooo! Video games!!!!!!!!!!! *runs over to play but gets stopped by Yuffie*  
  
Yuffie: we are NOT here to play video games!  
  
Sora: *chicbi eyes* then why are we here?  
  
Yuffie: um......why ARE we here Riku?  
  
Riku: I promised Sora an icecream.  
  
Sora: oh yeah! ICECREAM!  
  
Yuffie: he doesn't need icecream.  
  
Riku: I know, but he won't eat anything else.  
  
-The three begin to make their way to the icecream thing in walmart when they are stopped by *evil villan music here* none other than Kairi!-  
  
Sora: o.O aaah! Even uglier lady!  
  
Staff: run away!  
  
Kairi: hold it right there or I'll blast ya with this........this....  
  
Yuffie: hairdryer?  
  
Kairi: right!  
  
-all is quiet as a random cat falls out of the sky and runs across the screen.-  
  
Sora: O.O *sporks cat*  
  
Kairi: you-you killed the kitty..........*suddenly snaps* YOU MUST DIE!  
  
All: o.o eep!  
  
Kairi: *takes out none other than the *more evil music inserted here* evil hairdryer of doom and turns it up to full power* YOU CANNOT ESCAPE MY WRATH! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Sora: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! *screams like a schoolgirl while being chased by Kairi and her hairdryer of doom*  
  
Kairi: getbackhereyougoodfornothing,catkilling,icecreameatingBOY!!  
  
Yuffie: *stands between Sora and Kairi* hey you preppy! Leave my friends alone!  
  
Kairi: you-you betrayed me?! How could you?!  
  
Yuffie: Your hair salon funds weren't enough to support my catalog shopping cravings......sooo I sided with them!  
  
Kairi: *eye twitch* you- *derranged grin* you've just made a horrible mistake. *charges yuffie*  
  
Yuffie: Oh goodness! She's really gonna kill me!  
  
Sora and Riku: O.o;;  
  
Yuffie:*tries to shoot flaming marshmallows at kairi but her thrower dun work* wha?!  
  
Kairi: *evil grin* now you will repent for your sins! (since when did she become a preacher?)  
  
Sora: *hides*  
  
Yuffie: Run away! Run away!  
  
Riku: no! I'm the leader and the romantic lead so I choose whether we run or fight!  
  
Kairi: *blink* you're the romantic lead? *turns the hairdryer of doom to reverse and starts running toward Riku* come on sweety!!!!!!  
  
Riku: RUN AWAY!  
  
Yuffie: mommy! *hides behind a pillar of canned spam*  
  
Sora: *is sitting atop one of the aisles* where's those bloody Authoress people when you need 'em?!  
  
=+=+= Somewhere very far away=+=+=  
  
-The two authoresses, still cloaked in black stand in a tower walled in by windows. Outside, it's raining burnt hamsters.-  
  
E_Chan: something's gone terribly wrong.  
  
Gem: *trying to cook one of the burnt hamsters* what's that?  
  
E_Chan: *holds up something that very much resembles Jilje* Someone or Something is trying to end our story. Whoever or whatever it is has already succeeded in destroying Jilje. Now we are without an enemy.  
  
Gem: *tasting the burnt hamster* But wouldn't this make whatever it is a villan? Hey this is good! Want some?!  
  
E_Chan: I don't eat deep fried rodents.  
  
-sound of crickets and steady pelting of burnt hamsters against the windows-  
  
E_Chan: *takes out machine gun and shoots crickets again* bloody crickets.  
  
Gem: But only Authors/Authoresses are powerful enough to kill off a character. So are we dealing with-  
  
E_Chan: yes, another Author. He even be more powerful than me, but his days are numbered!  
  
Gem: Why are his days numbered? And how do you know it's a guy?!  
  
E_Chan: Because we are sending Sora and Riku after him. And to answer your second question, because there's only one person I know who would do such a thing.  
  
Gem: *drops her deep fried hamster to the ground* You don't mean...  
  
E_Chan: yes...it's- y0d4.  
  
Gem: NO!  
  
E_Chan: I'm afraid so. Luckily, I know exactly where he is.  
  
Gem: WHERE?!  
  
E_Chan: At.......Mount Doom! *thunder and lightning and scary music*  
  
Gem: wait, it's bright and sunny outside, except for the downpour of burnt hamsters from who-knows-where.  
  
E_Chan: It isn't.......at Mount Doom! *more lightning, thunder, and scary music*  
  
Gem: So I guess we need to call in the boys... *walks over to a mirror and tries to step through it but just hits her head on the glass* ow...  
  
E_chan: wrong mirror.  
  
Gem: I knew that. *repeats this six times until she finds the right mirror and walks through*  
  
E-Chan: *shakes her head* the world really IS doomed.  
  
=+=+=Back at Walmart=+=+=  
  
Sora: *still on top of the aisle* Hmmm..there must be something I can use.....a-hah! *grabs some string (E_Notes: aren't they lucky they were in the camping section?) and starts tying it to his sporkblade when he hears a gunshot (G_notes: then again, maybe not) and quickly attatches a hook to the end*  
  
Riku: *running past* Redhead's gotta gun!  
  
Kairi: *with gun* get back here! You will be mine or nobody's at all!  
  
Staff: *are no longer grinning because they're all dead*  
  
Yuffie: *is dragging something over from Home and Gardens section*  
  
Sora: wassat?! O.o  
  
Yuffie: shhhh!  
  
Riku: *running past a gain* Sora, you could help!  
  
Sora: oh right! *casts string and hook down, getting riku by the shirt and flings him up onto the aisle*  
  
Riku: where'd you learn to make an instant fishing rod?  
  
Sora: are you kidding?! I'm a freaking genious! *smiles cheesily*  
  
BANG!  
  
Sora and Riku: *look down to see that Kairi has started to climb up the aisle* eep.  
  
Kairi: *gets to the top and aims the gun at them* tag, you're it.  
  
Yuffie: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE KAIRI!  
  
Kairi: eh?  
  
-everyone turns to see Yuffie with Kairi's forgotten hairdryer filled with potting soil.-  
  
Yuffie: take this you evil *censored* *turns the hairdryer on which blasts the potting soil all over Kairi*  
  
Kairi: NOOO!!! I'm melting! I'M MELTING! *melts into a puddle of goo*  
  
Riku and Sora: dude.  
  
-suddenly, a portal appears out of nowhere and Gem appears in all her random glory.-  
  
Gem: pack it up and move it out boys! We've got a whole new mission for you!  
  
Sora: but-but-  
  
Gem: No but's Sora. Jilje is already dead so there's no need to be worried.  
  
Sora: That's not it! *sob*  
  
All: o.O;;  
  
Gem: then what's wrong?  
  
Sora: *sniff* Riku never got me icecream!  
  
All: *anime fall*  
  
Gem: *grabs Sora and motions to the others* let's go!  
  
-all of them vanish into light leaving Kairi to run into the tower of spam.-  
  
Kairi: *sniffle* huh? *sees spam* SPAM! *runs off with spam to roast* ^.~  
  
^^-------------------^^  
  
E_Chan: weeeeeee! What happens next?!  
  
Gem: find out next time!  
  
E_Chan: Read and Review pleeeeeeeeeeease! 


End file.
